Yesterday, I had suggested that we go down to Columbia to visit Paul's Grandmother since we hadn't seen her since Christmas. I didn't think it was a bad idea, and figured we would be home in time to cookout with my family that night. As Paul was relaying this information to his Dad, his Dad said, "When are you going to pick up Matthew?" He didn't ask, "Can you pick up Matt and take him down to Columbia with you?" He automatically signed us up for taking Matthew to Columbia without even asking. This got me blood boiling first. The next question was, "What car are you taking?" We generally take my car, because it's a Honda Civic and gets more gas milage than Paul's Toyota 4 Runner does. When Paul told them that we would be taking my car, Paul's Dad whipped out a 20 dollar bill and said, "Put gas in your car and take it." This was the second thing that got my blood boiling. He dictated which car we were going to take. I am still waiting on the moment when Paul looks at his Dad and just simple says, "No.", because I am tired of getting pulled around by his Dad and doing what his DAD wants us to do.
We got down to Columbia, ate, and then around 5:30 got a phone call from his Dad making sure that we were leaving. He had tickets to a baseball game that he wanted us to go to with him. What about spending time with my family? It pissed him off to even mention the fact that I wanted to spend time with my family. By the time we got back home from Columbia it was 7:30, and the baseball game started at 7. I knew that by the time we got to Downtown Greenville, the game would be over. You should have seen his Dad running around like a freakin' mad man. You don't cross this man when he's this "uptight", and I was so tired, I didn't feel like causing a big deal. So, I kept my mouth shut and went to the baseball game.
I didn't get to see my Parent's once during the 4th of July, and when I got home last night...I was very upset. I used to love Holidays; fun times with family. Not anymore. I hate them. It's so hard having to split time between my family, Paul's Mom, and Paul's Dad. By the way, his Parent's are divorced, so that makes thing just that much harder. I still have a headache today. One that formed last night while Paul and his Dad fought this whole way to the baseball game, and back from the baseball game. I swear to God, I could have opened the door of the car as we sped down the interstate, jumped out...and they seriously would not have noticed.
So, how do I fix this problem? I do have a say in it too don't I? Why should my family get shafted each and every Holiday that rolls around? I guess I should put my foot down for real next time, and not care if I cause any more controversy. I try to split time evenly, but somehow the In-Laws come out on top.
I hope everyone's Holiday was better than mine. I did have a bit of a Patriotic moment. Watching fireworks over a baseball field (the American Sport), made me feel very American and very proud to be an American.
8 comments:
That is awful. I hope your husband gets on board with your need to see your family too.
He will, when he stops letting his Dad make him feel guilty. His Dad is a pretty big on the guilt trips. I think it's horrible too, because I love my family. My Brother is going into the Marines in November, and I would have liked to spend some time with him yesterday...but I didn't get to. My blood boils just thinking about it =(
The best thing to do is stop trying to split your time. Stay home. That way if either side of the family wants to spend time with you, they come to you. All that running around can become old fast. ;o)
(MM who has more than her share of inlaw woe.)
Yeah, the In-Laws NEVER come to us, yet they give us hell if we don't come to their house. Kind of frustrating. The road works both ways. Of course, I don't always want them at my place. The Father In-Law rearranges my furniture to suit his needs while he's here, and leaves messes everywhere! He even will go lay on my bed to watch t.v, and I can't STAND other people in my bed. I have to wash the sheets when he leaves.
Gah! That sounds awful! I don't have the exact same problem-one set of Hubby's parents (they're divorced) have small children (6&7) so they take their kids to THEIR inlaw's houses and are never available for holidays, and the other set live 600+ miles away so that's just entirely not happening-but my inlaws still try to butt in all the time on all kinds of things (so do my parents for that matter).
What we have done is explain to all of our parents (my parents are divorced too so we have 8 parents between us) that our family includes me, Hubby, and our kids...and them, if and when we choose and only if they behave themselves. Then we've just stuck to our guns, doing what is best for our family first and worrying about everybody else later.
It works for us, but sometimes I have to be a hard nosed B* to pull it off and maybe you're not as mean as I can be!
I can be mean, but I hate drama...his Dad get's his feelings hurt easy & I guess I feel a bit guilty because his Dad has helped us out with alot of things. But sometimes that isn't worth the pain in the butt he is. I am going to have to start being mean though. I don't like being mean, but I can be.
The thing that makes me the angriest about July 4th is that my brother is going into the Marines in October and this was my last July 4th with him for a while. He kept texting me, and wondering where we were or what we were doing. And because of the In-Laws, I didn't get to spend time with my brother who will be gone in a little less than 6 months.
My husband's family makes him feel guilty all of the time! We'll be married 8 years in August and it took him 4 years to realize his parents do that to him.
It took another year or so for him to be able to say something back to them.
I always made it clear that my family came first, because quite frankly, they are actually nice! LOL!
My husband finally realizes that it is important to spend time with people who you enjoy, not just spend time with people because of guilt.
Good luck!
Jenny, that's so funny that you said that about your family coming first...because I feel the same way. My family is a whole lot nicer to be around. There is hardly ever an occasion where fun is being made around the In-Laws. We've been married 2 years, and he seems to be catching on a little bit...but he still hasn't gotten to the point that your husband has gotten to yet. I'll be excited when he does though.
The In-Laws don't like my family anyway, and we can't ever tell them that we are going over to my Parent's house, because they get upset and pull the guilt trip. It's so aggravating to me.
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