Friday, March 05, 2010

A New Me

Every since Bree was born almost three years ago, I have been obsessed with my weight and losing it. The obsession started out simple, as most obsessions do, and eventually evolved into a monster; a monster that I slayed last Tuesday. After two and a half of years of constantly telling myself that I was fat, ugly, and unattractive...I woke up Tuesday morning with a new type of attitude.

I guess I had reached my breaking point, I'm not sure, but I do know that even Paul could tell the difference in my voice on Tuesday morning. At first, I hadn't noticed my new attitude. I hadn't noticed that the little voice in my head that seemed to always be whispering, "You're fat." into my head, was no longer there. I hadn't noticed that I was in an exceptionally good mood.

Until Paul said to me, "You seem like you're free."

I thought about that for a second, and smiled. I was free. Somehow that negative, nagging, little voice in my head had shut up. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't see a fat and unattractive woman. I saw a beautiful, curvy woman. I realized that there are a lot of people out there a lot larger than I am, and I had to be offending them by calling myself fat. I realized that genetically, I cannot have a flat tummy, and that I would look a little weird with one. But most importantly...I realized that God created me and designed me to His perfection, and telling myself that I am no good, fat, and unattractive is just like telling God that He failed, and my God is not a failure!

So, since my little revelation last week, I have been enjoying the heck out of some food! I never knew food could taste so good. I have definitely been eating a lot more, and you know what? I think I've lost some weight. I guess I really wasn't eating enough. Paul said he was glad to have his Samantha back, and I am glad to be back. To be worry free, and to feel sexy and pretty again...it's amazing. I really think that I had an illness of some sort. To say that I am past it would be a lie...but to say that I am fixing it is another story. I made my obsession a habit, and I plan to replace it with this new attitude!

Here's to a new perspective on life, a new attitude, and a renewed sense of self confidence. Here's to a new me!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

12 comments:

Beth P. said...

Aw, revelations like this are so refreshing, aren't they? I'm glad you've been able to accept yourself the way you are because from what I've seen you are a beautiful person!

Ian said...

I'll raise my glass to that! Here's to new beginnings!

:)

Lisa Marie said...

Enjoy your life sweetie! When you eat nutritious, natural foods they make you feel great so enjoy them:)
Have a great weekend

Joe Cap said...

You will be much happier now, which is better for you than stressing out about everything.
I don't know the earlier Samantha, but welcome back anyway!

Brandy said...

i'm so happy for you! that's great. enjoy that food.

Salt said...

Cheers! This is so wonderful to hear. I have had some of the same internal struggles for a very long time and this is inspirational to me that you had this moment of clarity. You are a beautiful person!

Melissa said...

I'm glad you are back and free! That is awesome!

I hope to feel that way soon... I think I'm getting closer. But who knows...

MrsM said...

Cheers! Remember one day at a time =)

Anonymous said...

Samantha, I am proud of you. Have you ever done any of Beth Moore's Bible studies? She has one called Breaking Free that is awesome. Reminded me of what you have experienced. I believe you had been listening to Satan's lie that you were not beautiful. One of my earlier learnings about me in life happened when someone taught me that we can't love others until we love ourselves. Matthew 19:19 I needed that lesson because I saw me as unworthy, ugly and just imperfect. How I must have hurt God because of Jesus - I am a new creation. Only a loving Heavenly Father could provide such a blessing. I love you and praise God - "and you shall know the truth and the Truth will set you free!" YEAH GOD!!

Kristy said...

That's awesome! The nagging voice sucks, I'm glad yours is gone. Life is meant to be lived.

Robyn{Lee} said...

Oh, that is SO wonderful!!! : ) Awesome for you!! : )

Kato said...

Oh Samantha! I am so happy and excited for you! I think you are exceptionally beautiful, both inwardly and outwardly. I think you have so much to offer this world and yourself.

I am glad your new attitude has caught up to you. I can't wait to hear more about it!

xoxox