Thursday, May 13, 2010

What's Going On With Me?

Every now and then, I get stuck in these ruts. Ruts where I just want to quit everything I'm doing; including the things that I am passionate about. I feel like a failure, and I feel like that maybe I'm not being all that I can be (I know, cheesy Army line).

One day last week, I deleted my Photography Facebook Fan Page, following it with a "Hey, guys...I can't take pictures for you for free, so unless you're really interested in me taking your pictures...don't bother with contacting me". I know, it sounds mean, which is another side affect of these ruts. I lose my tolerance for people. But you have to understand, when I have a dozen people emailing me a day, asking how much I charge to take pictures for this and that...and then I tell them & never hear from them again, it gets pretty frustrating. I really don't think that 100 dollars is too much to ask for an entire photo session, and the time it takes to edit photos. I don't understand what these people want from me?! So, I quit. Unless, of course, someone is really, interested. Photography started out as a hobby of mine, and I'm not about to let about cheap, stupid people ruin that for me.

While in this rut, I also worry about Bree and whether or not I am doing everything I can to prepare her for preschool, and Kindergarten. I hear other Mother's brag about their child being able to do things, that Bree can't (or won't) do yet. I don't think that there is anything wrong with Bree, because she is very smart and very aware. You can't trick her, or anything. She's even hard to bargain with. Sometimes she can count to five, other times she can't. Sometimes she can correctly identify a color, other times she can't. I do realize that when a child is in daycare, they tend to learn a lot quicker because they're around other kids, but we go over these things. Either she's not listening, or she just doesn't want to right now. I know, that when it was time for her to start walking...she would not budge. She would crawl, or walk on her knees...but by golly she was not going to walk, because we wanted her to. So, I decided to stop pushing her to walk. I just left it alone...and one day, she stood up and started walking. Almost like she could walk all along. There were no stumbles or falls, and within no time, she was running. Maybe I just have an extremely hard headed child...I don't know, but I can't help but worry that she may not be ready when time for her to go to school.

I don't want to stop blogging, because it is a good place to just write...but I may not be blogging every single day. For two reasons: 1) It's time consuming to read/write blogs every day & 2) Comments have greatly declined, and it can be very discouraging

It's Summer time people, we should be enjoying time with our kids and worrying less about our blogs. You all are still my friends, and for that very reason...I am not leaving. I would miss interacting with you too much. Believe me when I say, that I love each and every one of you. I've got to spend some time recollecting myself. I've got to figure out what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it.

I will be gone Monday & Tuesday of next week. My Brother is graduating from his Marine Combat Training at Camp Gieger in North Carolina. We'll be going to see him, because he won't be coming home like we originally thought. Instead, he'll be flying to California for his Job Training, which just so happens to be Amphibious Assault Vehicle, a.k.a. under water tanks. So proud of my little Brother, but ready for his 4 years to be over. I already miss him too much!

Anyway...I hope you all understand what's going on with me. This is a seasonal thing for me I guess; with every new Season, I want to change myself. It's odd...but it will all work out. Just want you all to know that I love you, and I'll be back :)

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Julia said...

hey girl. you saw my tweet. i've been in the same rut... almost to the point of not posting. but you know what. it's ok!! i realized that long ago.

read my post for today.

i had a GREAT month of march as far as comments and visits go. i was so pumped. then it stopped. i got discouraged. but then i realized that i can't care so much!! i really can't. i have to focus on what's important. and that is my family and work. and if it means not posting one day, then so be it.

not getting comments DOES get so discouraging. I know how you feel. and when people don't visit your blog, you feel like not visiting and reading. I've been not feeling like reading either... simply b/c we've been busy.

don't stress over it. do what is best for you. people who truly love your blog will always be here. and you know what... taking a break is good. it lets you refresh and reset. and often times that's when the best ideas come about.

i'm sorry about the photography thing. it would be nice if people would just say, "oh gosh, that's a little too much for me. maybe some other time." stick with it. my FIL started a small photo business and it's still slow going but bit by bit he gets customers.

keep your head up!! I'll be praying for you.

Joe Cap said...

I can relate to the photography thing...they think because it is a hobby, they can get something for free...
All your best friends will be here reading everything you write!

Menopausal New Mom said...

You are such a Sweetie and I will be here when you have the time. I face the same challenges with my 4-year-old daughter and I have made it clear in several posts that she is my priority, not reading and commenting on everyone's blog. She now wants to learn to read and that is how I will be spending my time, with her. It got to the point for me where she was looking at my back at the computer all day, i mean seriously, I gave my head a serious shake and I now spend my time with her. Yes I've lost followers and my comments have greatly declined, big deal, what do I want her to remember when she looks back at her childhood? my back or the time we spent doing things together. No brainer girl! You know the right thing to do, no go and do it Sweetie!!


WonderWomanWannabe said...

Hey, I'm in a rut too. My comments have went to zilch, and I'm tired of doing Me-Mes and blog carnivals.
My little girl is like your, nearly identical in the walking department. We worked and worked with her and...nothing. She would take maybe two wobbly steps, and the fall down. Then one night, she just got up and walked around the room all by herself. I'm frustrated now because she doesn't talk much, but follows instructions to the letter, and knows when we are talking about something. Kids, LOL.

Salt said...

Try to not get too discouraged about the photography thing. You are VERY fairly priced, but it's just strange for some people to hear that things like that aren't free. I have had plenty of times when I've given out quotes for design work and haven't heard back. People that aren't artists tend to balk when such things cost money. Maybe it's because they think what we do is all fun and games. Nevertheless, it IS annoying and I know how you feel.

From the way you describe Bree, I think she is going to be just fine and totally prepared when it's school time. And I wouldn't believe everything you hear from every braggy mother either. ;)

Brandy said...

DUDE - I would happily pay you $100 - I wish you lived here. I totally agree - blogging is time-consuming - I stay with it because I don't have anything better to do at work. lol. go enjoy your summer!

purseblogger said...

Love you Sam! You take all the time you need, we'll still be here. I totally understand where you are coming from. My comments have declined too and it is discouraging. {{HUGS}}

Heather said...

Hey. I hope your rut picks up soon. I am sure daughter is or will be adequately prepared for kindergarten. Some parents really over estimate what their kids need to know there!

Ally said...

Sam, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. First off, DO NOT STOP BLOGGING! We love you!

I understand where you're coming from w/the photog stuff. I bet this happens to people who are hair stylists or even like my hubs who can fix any computer problem. Nobody likes to pay for services. My ex would do my highlights for free and I'd treat him to dinner. Something I miss. Writers like me, everyone wants you to do free work. I don't know what it is, like I guess because you're providing more of a "service" than say selling a product, people just want it for super cheap or nothing. I'm on your side, just saying it's annoying.

As for the little one. I'm sure you're not alone in feeling this way. Think about yourself as a kid, we're all different My mom still jokes that at 5 I didn't know my colors. That's something a 2-year-old knows. Hmm, may need to blog about that tomorrow.

Chin up and vent to us all you want!

♥Cari♥ said...

I think we all get in those ruts. I'm in one myself right now. Just wanted to let you know that I love reading your blog,and it's sooo okay to take a break! We all need one once in awhile! (((hugs)))

Melissa said...

No worries Samantha. Seriously... I say, do what you need to do. It is all good.

I find myself not really wanting to write as much - so I don't.

I'm doing it when I feel like it.

I read other blogs, but if I find myself not enjoying a post - I just stop reading it. I don't "waste my time" - which may sounds awful - but it's true.

I read all the posts written by the bloggers I really enjoy (and honestly, you are one of them - I always read the posts you write).

And try not to worry about Bree to much. I am sure she is fine. Hayden is "slower" in certain areas - but he gets where he gets in his own time. He is him (if that makes any sense).

Good luck with everything and most importantly - have fun and enjoy life... you are REALLY young. Don't let blogging (or anything else) get you down.

- Melissa

The Drama Mama said...

I'm new to your blog, but the first time I read it, I knew that I loved it. I took your badge and posted it in my blogroll with my other top favorite blogs. I understand how you feel. I go through spells like that too.

I understand how the decline in commenting can get you down too. It seems like more people are responding via email rather then leaving a comment these days, or life is just making them too busy to really have time to comment.

Your blog is fantastic though. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Honey B. said...

Ok, its not just you! Comments have been down for me too, and blog traffic is a head-scratcher....but I keep telling myself, focus on what I love about blogging, which is the relaxation I get from putting thoughts and feelings into words... Hang in there! *hugs*

Sam said...

Oh gosh I know exactly how you feel! Maybe not in the child department, but in all the other things.

As far as the blogging thing, I so know what you mean. When I type something up and receive like 2 comments when I used to receive 10 or so, it IS discouraging. It makes me wonder what about that post is different and dull compared to the one that had several comments on it. But then I have to remind myself that I started this blog for me, and not for other people, and that if certain entries aren't pulling in tons of comments, then whatever, because at least I did what I wanted to do -- keep a "record" of sorts of my life. But yeah, I can totally relate.. I think us Bloggers often lose site of WHY we blog. Do we do it for others or for ourselves? I think that, once you have an audience, it's hard not to write for them before yourself, you know? Maybe my blog needs some reevaluating too, haha.

Personally, I think $100 for an entire session is more than reasonable... People need to realize all the time that actually goes into not just taking the pictures, but editing them too. My uncle's auto repair shop is expanding and they want all these shots of families having fun. They enlisted me to help them out, and I'm doing it as like, a favor, because I feel odd being all "this will be fun :)" and then saying "well, let's talk compensation here..." but it really is time-consuming, AND it's my photo paper that I'm showing them samples on.

Sheesh, this is getting a little long, lol.. one last thing, as far as your Bree worries go, I wouldn't be too too concerned. Personally, as far as little kids today, I think parents are pushing them WAY too hard. Now I know everyone wants their kid to be smart and successful, but they also need time to be kids, you know? My cousin's daughter wasn't even 1.5 yet when she was learning sign language, my other cousin's daughter is 3 and has a better vocabulary than I do for God's sake... I think kids should learn things when they want to and are ready to. And I think it's hilarious that she just up and walked around one day, hehe (even though it was probably frustrating :p). So what if she hasn't memorized the Gettysburg Address by pre-school like all the other kids. She'll have the personality that they lack, lol.

Congratulations to your brother! And wow, long comment, sorry!

Have a great weekend!

The Drama Mama said...

Your week just got better. I've got something for you over at my place. Wanna see?


Sorry that you're having such a rough time!

Kids can be very stubborn.... I know that mine are....

I totally understand that it takes a lot of time to read, write and comment on blogs.... It's such a time consuming process.... Sometimes I miss a day of reading and 100 new posts are up....

We'd miss you if you stopped blogging!

Is your brother coming to Pendleton? It's about an hour away from me and right next to the ocean! He's going to have a great time in Cali! Go bro!