Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Hips & Boobs

I have never been more obsessed with my weight than I became after I had Bree. I went from wearing a size 4, which was the smallest I have ever been, to wearing a 14 when I came home from the hospital with Bree. At first, the weight didn't bother me because I thought it would be easy to drop it all off and before no time...I'd be back in my old jeans. No one ever told me that losing weight was so hard, and that when I finally did drop some pounds, my tummy would still be flabby.

I used to be pretty confident with myself, and now...I am lacking serious confidence. I worry that my husband won't find me as pretty as he used to, and not because of my appearance, but more so for my lack of confidence. I have come a long way since I gave birth to Bree a year and a half ago. I've gone from a 14 jean, to a size 6, and have gone from 155 pounds at my 2 week check up to 134 pounds. I am naturally curvy, and wide. A long time ago, that was considered sexy. Today? Flat tummy, thin as rail, and "rectangle" body types seem to be "in style".

For some reason, I think that I should look like Heidi Klum or Nicole Kidman, or some flat tummied model. I wasn't made that way, and the sooner I realize that, the better off I am. I just want to be happy with my body, and myself. I am making myself miserable when there is nothing to be miserable about. I exercise and eat healthy, and I guess that's all a person can do.

So, how do I gain my confidence back? I have no clue! I want to feel beautiful again. I know that feeling more confident has to start from within. I have got to help myself, and stop telling myself that I am fat. Pray for me, because I have had enough of feeling this way and putting my husband down in the process. I want my confidence back. I want to like my wide hips and huge boobs.


The Bermudez Clan said...

I totally feel for you. Unfortunately I don't have an answer but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings. I feel exactly as you have expressed. Congrats on the weight you have lost.

Steve tingle said...

Go on the cold hard french fry diet....