Monday, June 22, 2009


Oh to be a child again. Bree has no earthly idea what it means to be "stressed-out". The worst thing she has to fear is if I take a crayon away from her, or make her drink water instead of juice. She doesn't know how good she has it as a baby, with no responsibility, no worries, and no stress. Bree lives this fantasy life that I would pay big bucks to live for a week! She doesn't know though. She doesn't know how good it is to be a child. She doesn't know that she should live in the moment, and enjoy her life as it is now, because it all changes; way too fast. I know that there is no use in telling her to enjoy it while it lasts, because she won't listen. I didn't. I didn't care, but I care now and I would do anything to hit the rewind button. I won't tell her to enjoy her childhood while it lasts, because I don't want her to enter into her adult hood with a bad outlook on things. I want her to think that everything will always be just peachy! Maybe if she believes everything is great, it will be great for her. She'll have a positive outlook on life, while my outlook is negative.

I am a Christian, and I trust God with all of my heart. I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. So, if I believe all of this, then why do I feel that I need to worry? Maybe it's the state of finance that we are currently in. Paul received a pay cut at his old job back in February. Just as I knew it would, our bank account began to become less and less with each week. Paul finally began his new job 3 weeks ago. He's going to be making about the same amount of money that he was at his old job before the pay cut, but we haven't gotten back on our feet yet because he'll get paid bi-weekly now instead of weekly. The past 3 weeks we haven't had any type of normal pay check, and this week...we won't get anything. He will get paid in 2 weeks, and it should be a pretty normal check. Just in time for rent. I'm so frustrated. I'm not used to not having any cash on me. It's never been alot of cash, but just 20 dollars in my pocket made me feel good. I'm trying to be patient, and trusting, and not worrying, but none of those 3 attributes were born in me. I am inpatient, non-trusting, and I worry ALL of the time.

I think the reason I am most worried is because we take our family vacation the 2nd week of August, and I had begun saving up for that back in February. Then, Paul got his pay cut and I wasn't able to save any money, because we were barely getting enough to live off of. I'm frustrated about that, because I had it all planned out on paper. Maybe, by some miracle I can get some last minute cash saved up for the beach. If not...we'll have to make do.

Just pray for us, and me. I don't mean to poor mouth, but I am very discouraged. I try to do the right thing, but still...nothing goes right for me. *sigh*

How was everyone's weekend? I'm not getting comments anymore on my posts, so I need to know if I'm just boring you all to death...or if you just don't like my new blog layout? Feedback please :D


Mother Mayhem said...

Trying to think of something uplifting to say... I'm a Christian, but I also let worry get the best of me. I think it's because I try to find ways to "help God out" with my problems instead of just letting Him handle things. I really need to stop. ;o)

As for the vacation, let it go for now. There will be another time. Do something small and local that doesn't cost much or maybe nothing at all. Picnics are always good. Have a park nearby? Sometimes there are free concerts, festivals, etc... Keep an eye on the local newspaper.

Sending hugs. :o)

LOVE the new layout.

Samantha said...

I wish I didn't worry, and I know better than to do it...but I do it anyway :( With the vacation in August, we are getting a free place to stay...its just the extra stuff that I "might" want to do that I'd want the money for. But then again, Paul always reminds me, I don't like to spend money, so I wouldn't spend it'm a strange one.

I'm glad you like the layout. It's not cluttered, and I can deal with that :D

Mother Mayhem said...

The "mights" and the "ifs" are some of the devil's pitfalls alright. Fall in them myself at times. :o|