Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out - A Bad Haircut

Since Mother's Day is on Sunday (oh crap, you forgot?), I thought that I would dedicate this Pour Your Heart Out to every Mother out there. So, before I get started...if you want to join in on Pour Your Heart Out hosted by the beautiful Shell...just click here to get started!

I know what you're thinking, "Oh God, a sappy post about how great every mother in the world is." Well, not exactly. I actually struggled with the different directions that I could take a Mother's Day post. I could easily make it another sappy, cheesy, tear jerking, and oh I have the best Mother in the world kind of post, or I could attempt to be funny, light hearted, and silly. I chose the latter of the two categories. This is for all of you Mother's out there!

I used to be a fat kid (you can read all about that here), but I bet you didn't know that being chunky wasn't my only malfunction. I also had frizzy, half wavy/half curly hair that happened to be thicker than any rope. My Mom always attempted to help my...and I quote..."...rats nest", by blow drying or using a curling iron on my hair. The thing is, I hated sitting still long enough for her to complete this task and I was so tender headed that the thought of a hair brush cruising through my thick hair made me sick. So, instead, I walked around with pretty hair in the front and a rats nest in the back.

And then one day...

My Dad was sick of hearing my Mother and I scream back and forth at each other about my stupid hair, so he took me on a ride one Saturday afternoon; a ride that ended at the dog groomers barber shop. I swear I could hear my Dad laugh evil mwahahaha's from behind me, as the hair dresser cut my rats nest off and gave me a "butch" hair cut. I'm serious. It was the worst hair cut EVER! There had to have been a better way to fix my dysfunctional hair.

So, here I was: a fat kid, with a really really really short hair cut, a fat face and bangs to help enunciate my fat cheeks.

I'm still devising a plan to get each and every picture made during this Butch Era in my life, and burn them until there is no evidence that I ever looked that bad. As Ian always says, "Pictures or it never happened..."

Nevertheless, this horrible hair cut was a turning point in my relationship with my Mother. I knew that my Mama was capable of doing just about anything. She would cut my hair off, and if I still continued to fuss...she would shave me bald! I learned that my Mother was a sneaky one, willing to do anything just to prove a point.

Back then...I thought she was just mean.

But now, I understand. Sometimes, as a Mother, you gotta do what you gotta do to make a point to your kids. If this means telling them something that would only happen in a horror movie, to keep them from killing themselves...then do it. If you have to protect your precious chocolate stash by telling them that they'll fall over and die if they eat it...then do it. If you have to pull over on the side of the road to show them a dead cat, and then tell them that this is what will happen to them if they don't stop going too close to the road...then do it! I know it may sound a bit harsh, but like I said...sometimes you just have to.

So, if you're a mother, I want you to sit back and smile this Mother's Day as you think of all of the crazy things you have told your kids to keep them out of trouble and danger. Take a sip of your wine coffee, and whisper to yourself with a grin, "Happy Mother's Day you manipulative b#$!%"

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12 comments:

Melissa said...

Funny! My haircut was bad in 6th grade, but it was because I wanted the vut (and erroneously thought it would be cute - I was SO wrong).

I SO wish you had a picture of the butch era! It was would be awesome!

Have a lovely day!

Shell said...

LMAO @ your last line! We have to do what we gotta do sometimes!

I'll link you up. :)

B said...

My mom used to pull the car over if I was whining/throwing a fit/generally being a pain and threaten to make me walk home.

Flash forward to when I was 22, and my best friend and I were driving and having a fight. I pulled the car over and told him, "If you're going to talk to me like that, you can walk home!" I think I was just as shocked as he was that that came out of my mouth!

Salt said...

Fantastic! And not all sappy. I'm sure my mom would agree with all of this.

And yes, thank you for reminding me. :)

Mommy Lisa said...

LOVE IT! Once my mama made me buy clorox 2 to clean a white shirt I had gotten for my birthday with my birthday money. Why? Because she TOLD ME NOT TO HAVE ORANGE SODA while wearing the cute new white top...but NOOOOO. I was a BIG GIRL of SIX now. *sigh*

lesson learned.

Jenn @ South of Sheridan said...

Oh, I've so been there too! Growing up my parents forced the butch hair cut b/c I refused to brush my hair. I have 5 years of horrific school pictures to prove it lmao

Jenny said...

So Funny! My mom did the same thing...I had long straight hair that I hated to comb and it was full of rats. She chopped it off Halle Berry style. But I still love her.
Happy Mothers Day!

Tammy said...

I think we all have had a stage like that. ...I have to say it would of been fun to see a pic! Have a great Mother's Day!

Ally said...

I never had a bad haircut but I remember those girls. My mom used something called "No More Tangles" in fact I think I may have to blog about that ha ha... Thanks for the inspiration. I loved your last line. Very cute!

Powdered Toast Man said...

I need to see some evidence of that haircut, I can only picture it in my head.

My mom tried cutting my hair when I was like 11 or so. The hair trimmer she used got soaked in the oil in the bag but she tried anyway. It basically just pulled the hair out of my head and I couldn't go through with it anymore. I ended up with half a hair cut and I had to go to school the next day.

purseblogger said...

LOL at your last line. So so true! Great post. I feel I've had to be a mean mom by trying to teach my kids certain things. Sometimes you have to be blunt.

Heather said...

That's hilarious. Other than your hair trauma. My mom used to hide outfits she deemed out of season (?????) in the ironing basket..never to be seen again.